Tall Lady’s Spinoff of Freshly Pressed Post: Seinfeld

When Caffeinated & Random post “Seinfeld Episodes That Wouldn’t Work Today,” was featured on WordPress’ “Freshly Pressed,” I thoroughly enjoyed it and it reminded me that I thought it would be pretty fun to share the below video. I told said blogger that I was inspired to write a spinoff, but it is only a spinoff insofar as it is also about Seinfeld.

So I hope you enjoy the video, whether you are a Seinfeld fan or not. Try not to think too much about the fetishism of tall women… cause as far as that goes, anything can be (and is) fetishized these days.  And can I just say, this is an episode that still does work today!

That is one tall lady.

Tall Pants: My Lululemons are ripped at the bottom and that’s OK with me

Not until the last ten years or so have I noticed a selection – and that’s a stretch – of long-pant clothing options. And even though it has increased, I still have to check the hem at the bottom of a pair of pants before I buy them to see how much I can let them down. Dress pants in particular and athletic wear in particular.

Back when jogging pants were the “in” thing..

For whatever reason, jogging suits were the trendy uniform of choice in grade four and five. And that wasn’t awesome for me, because in order to get jogging pants that were somewhat long enough, I would have to get them a size or two bigger than what I needed and often made me look like… “a marshmallow.” There are quotes around that, because I quote a boy from my class who called me “a marshmallow.”  Another alternative was to buy the grey unisex jogging suit that was not cute at all. AND WHO COULD FORGET THE ELASTIC AROUND THE ANKLE- or in my case, above the ankle. Ugh.

Ohhhhh, all I needed to do was add heels and that would have made them cool.

Cut to 2005 – Tall Lady enters Lululemon

One or two pairs of Brooks trackpants later, I decided it might be time to see what all the hype was about. I am not entirely sure how I made it that long before actually purchasing anything from Lululemon, but I did. (And in Vancouver, that’s a miracle.)

Low and behold, I tried on a pair of their classic Groove pants- AND THEY HIT THE FLOOR. Because they have “tall” options. That’s ME!

Because I was a newbie to Lululemon, like most other pants, I figured they would shrink a bit so I opted not to get them hemmed. Even though they said they wouldn’t, I figured I knew better.

And so, the pants dragged on the ground. And now they are all frayed, ripped and torn after years of continuing to refuse to get them properly hemmed. And it’s because I never knew what it felt like to have pants that were too long for me. I still like the feeling, and I still wear them. And yes, they are over seven years old and still don’t see any need to get new ones as otherwise, they are in fantastic condition.

These yoga pants have taken a beating and are going strong.
Let’s rock.

They are pretty hardcore as far as my commitment to these pants go. It looks like I am not afraid to get into a rumble on my way into a yoga class. Yeah, maybe with my mean “Standing Bow Pose”.

 

Which Tall Animal Are You?

People seem to be always comparing other people to animals. But which animal do you think you are?

1. The Giraffe: The Hot-Headed Socialite

  • Can grow up to nineteen feet tall
  • Social animals, usually found in groups which frequently change
  • Use their necks as weapons in combat, called “necking.” When humans use that word, they usually mean something else… but you may be most like a giraffe if you often find yourself “necking.”

2. The African Elephant: The One Who Never Forgets Birthdays

  • Up to 13′ tall
  • Large ears- hearing is SHARP! Can’t get much past them.
  • Very close to their families
  • Among the world’s most intelligent species, known for demonstrations of humour, grief, love and memory.

3. The Blue Whale: The Blues Singer (didn’t see that one coming, did you. Just cause they’re horizontal doesn’t mean they’re not tall!)

  • 100′ “tall”
  • Likes to swim
  • Sing whale songs to one another to communicate location and feelings
  • Very few (or no) natural predators due to size

4. Grizzly Bear: The Protector Who You Think Will Bite Your Head Off But Won’t

    • Up to seven feet tall
    • Very protective of family
    • Gets cranky when they don’t get their meat and veggies

5. Red Kangaroo: The Fighter Who You Can’t Sneak Up On

  • Up to 9.8 feet long including tails
  • Quick to scrap with other kangaroos, starting with fists and then progress to kicking with feet while balancing on their tails
  • Field of vision is almost 300 degrees because of the position of their eyes. ALL SEEING!

I’m definitely an elephant, although my husband would argue that my memory isn’t great…

Tell me who you think you are!

Images from:

Giraffe: http://www.blifaloo.com

Elephant: http://www.laelaps.wordpress.com

Whale: http://www.nymag.com

Bear: http://www.naturescrusaders.wordpress.com

Kangaroos: www.juliusbergh.com/cocky/kangaroo.jpg

Which side of the fence do you tower over? Tall Girls – A Story of Giants

If you click on the image below, it will take you to the trailer for this film. “Tall Girls – A Story of Giants”. This trailer will simultaneously break your heart, gross you out, make you sad and make you angry. At least it did for me.

If you don’t want the trailer spoiled, watch it before you read the rest of this post.

I am 186cm and admittedly, adolescence isn’t the easiest time for a lanky, lanky, lanky, (lanky) awkward tall girl. That being said, I never investigated the possibility of stunting my growth, whether through drugs or surgery. I didn’t know it was an option. That being said, I don’t know that I can completely fault these girls for exploring that option. I say that because I don’t know their circumstances, I’m unfamiliar with their culture and as a whole network of blogs  will tell you, there are difficulties associated with being tall.

 

But life is full of difficulties. (Yep, I flipped back again.) So I guess my question is this: because you know you can give yourself a potentially better life- more chances at love, easier clothing options, among others- do you? If there were drugs available to make short people grow taller, they would take them, wouldn’t they? Or would they make the most of the cards they had been dealt?

Writing this post, I realize how biased I am. I would not have asked for drugs or considered surgery. Because at the end of the day, I was also the other girl in the trailer. No, I don’t have an illustrious modelling career to show for it- I never pursued it, but I was often on the receiving end of the, “Excuse me, are you a model? You’re so tall,” question. And of course it gave me confidence. It made me feel like tall was beautiful and something that was valued… But not by boys. Boys were elusive and made themselves scarce at dances. I would call this the sad foreshadowing and indicator of the low birth rate for tall women.

I am looking forward to the opportunity to view screening of this movie. Until I do, here’s a quote from the movie.

“When you’re taking your child to the endocrinologist every year and having them undergo testing and constant measurements and looking at their growth chart, how do they get the message that they’re ok?”

 

 

High Notes: Where Tall Ladies Exist in Song

We are muses. Here’s proof:

1. She’s So High, Tal Bachman: She’s so hiiiiiiiii-iiiiiigh, high above me; she’s so lovely. [Yeah we are!]

He is holding it up to us to make sure we hear it. See?

2. Long Tall Sally, The Beatles, Little Richard. No lyrical support required.

3. Build Me a Woman, The Doors: Build me a woman, make her ten feet tall. [Ok, so I’m not quite there. Close though. PS, the rest of the lyrics are pretty interesting.]

4. Long Cool Woman in a Tall Black Dress, The Hollies: A pair of 45’s made me open my eyes/ My temperature started to rise/ She was a long cool woman in a black dress/ Just a 5-9 beautiful tall/ With just one look I was a bad mess/ ‘Cause that long cool woman had it all. [5’9″? Ok, I’ll call it the start of the tall woman spectrum.]

5. And this blog’s namesake, which I adapted: Who’s That Lady, The Isley Brothers: Who’s that lady?/ Who’s that lady?/ Beautiful lady/ Who’s that lady?/ Lovely lady/ Who’s that lady?/ Real fine lady/ Who’s that lady?… And I must confess, it was in a Swiffer ad. Got me thinking.

Tall AND Versatile?… I try!

I told you I was excited.
Picture taken by Butter Media

Well, this is a treat! Sweet Elayna from The Junoesque nominated me for “The Versatile Blogger” award. Meeeee?!?!?!? I have to tell you, this lovely network of tall ladies that I have stumbled upon (ok, I sought them out- I could easily find them in a crowd!) has been so supportive. Single tear from Tall Lady. No, it’s not raining.

With this nomination carries duty. (Am I too old to think that word is funny?) They are as follows:

  • To tell you seven things about myself that you don’t already know.
  • And to nominate 15 other bloggers. I’m going to make it five because I don’t quite know 15. Blush. Shame on me, blogger. Also, Junoesque already nominated quite a few of the fellow tall lady bloggers so I don’t want to be redundant.

Seven Things You Don’t Know About Tall Lady

1. I could eat popcorn for days without stopping.

2. I once did a 30-Day Bikram’s Yoga challenge. This was in 2008. I have been back no more than five times since.

3. Of the myriad of professions I considered being as a child, three of them were pilot, actor and author. Back in the ‘80s, blogging wasn’t a “thing” yet, so does this count? AND I’ve acted in community theatre AND my Dad has let me control the yoke (wheel-thingy) of his plane while flying. Kinda counts for each, right? Look at me fulfilling my destiny.

4. Total nutso Beatles fan. So much so, it got away from me in high school. Voted “Most Likely to Marry Ringo Starr.” No! It was about the MUSIC!!! (Seriously, I’m not that old. The Beatles Anthology came out when I was in high school, not their first US hit.)

5. When I was a kid I once ate soap thinking it was cream cheese. I promise I was no more than four years old, but it’s a memory that has stayed with me.

6. I can be a bit of a…

7. procrastinator.

And now for the nominees:

1. Arianna’s “Random” Thoughts: I love Arianna’s blog because she writes with so much heart, and about a lot of different topics. It’s not just a clever name.

2. Revel Events: A local wedding planner’s blog whose site can provide inspiration for you, no matter where you are holding your wedding!

3. Liz Sauve: Insights and perspectives from a young Public Relations professional on pop culture, marketing yourself and more. New blog, let’s give her some love!

4. Well fed, flat broke: Name says it all! Good food without breaking the bank and a well-written blog.

5. TBD. (See #7 above.)

Once again, thank you Elayna for the honour and thank you Versatile Blogger Award for existing!