I’m not much of a hunter, though.
I’m not much of a hunter, though.
As much as I loved Jimmy Fallon on SNL, I didn’t buy into his cache as a late night host right away. I think I was trying to be controversial for the sake of being controversial. But I digress, I digress. I really love the show now- some of the things I love most about it are the way he plays games with his guests where he doesn’t lose to be polite, how he incorporates funny skits into random parts of the show, his fantastic musical parodies and the ridiculous banter between him, his announcer and sometimes the Roots. I also realized I didn’t include any of the regular segments, like Thank You Notes, Late Night Hashtags, and (you’ve seen this coming) Pros and Cons.
In the style of Jimmy Fallon, here are some Pros and Cons about being a tall lady.
I can turn off all the TVs mounted high up at my work without using the remote.
I also hit my head on said TVs if I am not careful. Which I really need to be.
As a teenager, people always thought I was older than I was.
Same thing now. Boo. Where is the logic in that, may I ask? People don’t continue to get taller as they age past the age of 20 at the most, right?
I can see over peoples’ heads in crowds.
People behind me complain that my head is in the way.
People ask me to help them get things off the top shelves in grocery stores. I don’t mind, I like to help.
Sometimes they form a lineup.
People remember me easily.
In moments of compromised judgement after drinking “liquid courage”, I wish they wouldn’t.
I get compared to stately, graceful, statuesque animals.
When Caffeinated & Random post “Seinfeld Episodes That Wouldn’t Work Today,” was featured on WordPress’ “Freshly Pressed,” I thoroughly enjoyed it and it reminded me that I thought it would be pretty fun to share the below video. I told said blogger that I was inspired to write a spinoff, but it is only a spinoff insofar as it is also about Seinfeld.
So I hope you enjoy the video, whether you are a Seinfeld fan or not. Try not to think too much about the fetishism of tall women… cause as far as that goes, anything can be (and is) fetishized these days. And can I just say, this is an episode that still does work today!
That is one tall lady.
Not until the last ten years or so have I noticed a selection – and that’s a stretch – of long-pant clothing options. And even though it has increased, I still have to check the hem at the bottom of a pair of pants before I buy them to see how much I can let them down. Dress pants in particular and athletic wear in particular.
Back when jogging pants were the “in” thing..
For whatever reason, jogging suits were the trendy uniform of choice in grade four and five. And that wasn’t awesome for me, because in order to get jogging pants that were somewhat long enough, I would have to get them a size or two bigger than what I needed and often made me look like… “a marshmallow.” There are quotes around that, because I quote a boy from my class who called me “a marshmallow.” Another alternative was to buy the grey unisex jogging suit that was not cute at all. AND WHO COULD FORGET THE ELASTIC AROUND THE ANKLE- or in my case, above the ankle. Ugh.
Cut to 2005 – Tall Lady enters Lululemon
One or two pairs of Brooks trackpants later, I decided it might be time to see what all the hype was about. I am not entirely sure how I made it that long before actually purchasing anything from Lululemon, but I did. (And in Vancouver, that’s a miracle.)
Low and behold, I tried on a pair of their classic Groove pants- AND THEY HIT THE FLOOR. Because they have “tall” options. That’s ME!
Because I was a newbie to Lululemon, like most other pants, I figured they would shrink a bit so I opted not to get them hemmed. Even though they said they wouldn’t, I figured I knew better.
And so, the pants dragged on the ground. And now they are all frayed, ripped and torn after years of continuing to refuse to get them properly hemmed. And it’s because I never knew what it felt like to have pants that were too long for me. I still like the feeling, and I still wear them. And yes, they are over seven years old and still don’t see any need to get new ones as otherwise, they are in fantastic condition.
They are pretty hardcore as far as my commitment to these pants go. It looks like I am not afraid to get into a rumble on my way into a yoga class. Yeah, maybe with my mean “Standing Bow Pose”.
People seem to be always comparing other people to animals. But which animal do you think you are?
1. The Giraffe: The Hot-Headed Socialite
- Can grow up to nineteen feet tall
- Social animals, usually found in groups which frequently change
- Use their necks as weapons in combat, called “necking.” When humans use that word, they usually mean something else… but you may be most like a giraffe if you often find yourself “necking.”
2. The African Elephant: The One Who Never Forgets Birthdays
3. The Blue Whale: The Blues Singer (didn’t see that one coming, did you. Just cause they’re horizontal doesn’t mean they’re not tall!)
- 100′ “tall”
- Likes to swim
- Sing whale songs to one another to communicate location and feelings
- Very few (or no) natural predators due to size
4. Grizzly Bear: The Protector Who You Think Will Bite Your Head Off But Won’t
5. Red Kangaroo: The Fighter Who You Can’t Sneak Up On
- Up to 9.8 feet long including tails
- Quick to scrap with other kangaroos, starting with fists and then progress to kicking with feet while balancing on their tails
- Field of vision is almost 300 degrees because of the position of their eyes. ALL SEEING!
I’m definitely an elephant, although my husband would argue that my memory isn’t great…
Tell me who you think you are!
Glee isn’t on until tomorrow night (oh, the days between Tuesday and Tuesday pass so slowly…), but when I think of tall women who are currently in the limelight, Jane Lynch and her shrewd character Sue Sylvester instantly come to mind. Do you love to hate her or what?
Jane Lynch is 6 feet tall and also recently played as Julia Child’s taller sister, Dorothy, in Julie and Julia– where she fell in love with and married a man significantly shorter than she was. I know it’s happened to some of us!
In the last few years, Jane has definitely been cast in a lot of memorable odd-ballesque type roles (remember her in 40 Year Old Virgin?… shudder) and I would say that she uses her height to her advantage as she uses that presence when necessary to impose herself and make others feel uncomfortable in a very comedic way. That, and her excellent sense of humour. Keep an eye on Jane’s future cinematic and television appearances through ye old IMDB.
Maybe you don’t acknowledge that it happened, or laugh it off, or maybe even act a little annoyed. But you enter a crowded room, and people notice. “Who’s that tall lady?”
I thought by walking with my head down, shoulders slumped and back arched I became less visible. Well, the theory of “if I can’t see you, you can’t see me,” was never more untrue (although to be honest, it’s not much of a theory. It applies, what, 4% of the time?). You’re still seen, but much differently. And if you are going to be noticed anyway, be noticed looking proud to be you.
And you might be a tall teen (cause I have been there… oh, have I been there!), a tall twenty-something, a tall mommy, a tall bride, and tall professional, a tall retiree; you get it… and if so, this is for you.
So, welcome, fellow tall lady! As a lady of vertically enhanced stature, I decided it was time to extend my hand on the end of my lanky arm to all tall ladies. Here, we will focus on several amazonian afflictions and affections. And even some other things that I hope to surprise you with.
Stay tuned… for now, I’m going to sign off. I have a basketball practice to go to.